Chemist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there.

Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.

Dihydrogen monoxide: is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain. contributes to the "greenhouse effect." may cause severe burns. contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape. accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals. may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes. has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING more...

Charlie was a chemist
But Charlie is no more.
What Charlie thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

THE CHEMIST'S RECIPIE FOR CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

The following recipie for chocolate chip cookies recently appeared in Chemical & Engineering News (C&EN, Jun 19, 1995, p. 100). It was attributed to Jeannene Ackerman of Witco Corp.

Ingredients: 1. 532. 35 cm3 gluten 2. 4. 9 cm3 NaHCO3 3. 4. 9 cm3 refined halite 4. 236. 6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 5. 177. 45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 6. 177. 45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 7. 4. 9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde 8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avain albumen-coated protien 9. 473. 2 cm3 theobroma cacao 10. 236. 6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat-transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr add one, two, and three with constant agitation.

In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm add four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is more...