Chicken Jokes / Recent Jokes
In a recent issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors quoted from ''Feathers,'' the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story:
It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the airplane flies. The theory is that if the windshield can withstand the carcass test impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. Apparently, the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, high-speed train they were developing.. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded a chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken not only shattered the windshield, but went through the engineer's seat, broke an instrument panel, and was imbedded in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to review the test more...
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple martini.
The bartender says "What a coincidence, The only other person at the bar is that beautiful woman at the other end. She is also drinking triple martinis".
After a few sips of his drink, the man walks up to the woman and says, "Isn't it a coincidence that we are both having the same drink".
She replies "Yes! I am here because I am celebrating. After 20 years of trying I am finally pregnant!"
"What a coincidence" the man replied. "I am also celebrating. After years of experimenting, I have invented a multicolored chicken."
At this, the woman asked "How did you ever accomplish that!?".
"I had to try a lot of different cocks" he said.
The woman replied "What a coincidence!!!"
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''
a kids mum is putting on makeup. she then says shit. "what is shit" asked the kid. "its another word for putting on makeup said the mum. then the kid goes to the park where a man is selling condoms. "what are condoms asked the kid. condoms is another word for coats sed the man. at home the kids mum and dad are having an srgument and are calling each other bitches and bastards. what are bitches and bastards asks the the kid. bitches and bastards is just another word for ladies and gentlemen sed the kids parents. in the kitchen the kids dad is cooking a chicken and he says fuck. what is fuck sed the kid. it is another word for cooking the chicken says the dad. later on the doorbell rings and the kids parents tell the kid to answer the door. so the kid answers the door and says bitches and bastard may i take your condoms my mum is upstairs shiting on her makeup and my dad is in the kitchen fucking the chicken.
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U. S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him, and says "For you, no charge."
Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says "I'll have what he's having."
Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm positive."
Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says "sir can I get you a martini "Descartes says "I don't think..." and he disappears
Where does bad light end up? Answer: In a prism!
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says more...
In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia. Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law. In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits. In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts. In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours. In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset. In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday. In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed. In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman. French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring more...