Clearly Jokes / Recent Jokes

Actual statements from Hizzoner Mayor Marion Barry of Washington, DC.
"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
"Bitch set me up."
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
"People more...

A man was married to a woman named Lorraine. One day, a new girl named Clearly started working at his office.
Before long, he fell in love with Clearly and decided to end things with Lorraine. He tried several times to tell Lorraine it was over, but each time he did, she put up a fight and said she would never let him go.
One day, as they were walking along the river, he pushed Lorraine into the water, the current carried her off and she drowned. He then ran off, singing...
"I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone... "

The following is an excerpt of an article in the April issue of Saturday Night magazine by John Fraser the (now) former editor.
For those who don't know, the province of Ontario has set in place a policy of "zero tolerance" for harassment and discrimination at universities. This excerpt really pokes fun at the potential misuse and abuse of such a policy.
Dear H & D officer,
I am a female graduate student with an alternative lifestyle. Our history department has invited an international scholar named Simon Schama to lecture here next month. The title of his talk is "Dykes and Discord: The role of land reclamation in 17th century Dutch domestic policy." Posters have been plastered all over our campus, causing snickering, and I have been made to feel uneasy. Does the FRAMEWORK have any remedy?
You bet it does! There is "zero tolerance" for anything that makes you feel a loss of self-esteem, and the FRAMEWORK clearly states the "visitors more...

A man walked in to his physician's office, and asked to be castrated.
"I beg your pardon?" the doctor asked, slightly aghast.
"I've thought about this for a long time, and I've decided I want to go through with it." The man says calmly.
"You want to be castrated." The doctor said, stil not quite understanding.
"Yes. That's right. I want to be castrated."
The doctor tried to talk his patient out of the decision, but the man was adamant. He was unwaivering in his desire to be castrated. The doctor, seeing the man was resolute, sighed and put him in touch with a good plastic surgeon.
The surgeon was equally aghast, but after having the man sign a multitude of forms, agreed to perform the procedure.
The day of surgery arrived, and the man was in very good spirits. He was clearly looking forward to being castrated. Everyone was completely puzzled but as this clearly was what he wanted, they all shook their heads and went more...

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of incrementweather."

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."

"Bitch set me up."

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"

"People have criticized me more...

If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.

Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.