Clerk Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
He asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
He then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

Ole and Lena were applying for a wedding license and were answering questions asked by the clerk. "Lena, how old are you?"
Lena answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."
Next the clerk asked, "Lena, how tall are you?" Lena stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."
"And how much do you weigh, Lena?" was the next question. "I weigh yust about 230 pounds."
"Wow," exclaimed the clerk, "You're big enough to play with the Green Bay Packers!!"
"Oh no," answered Lena, "I yust play with Ole's packer."

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a swell time. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick."
The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."
The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms."
The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?" The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"

A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.
The clerk says, "We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks."
"Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm."
"We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk."
"Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home."
"We don't call 'em mules, we call 'em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear."
So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops.
The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, andinsane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at atoy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked."Cash," I snapped. Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, "Ive spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.""Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you goingback there?"

On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of' Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is more...