Closer Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship,"he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!" he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that ever good!"
She then asks him, "How long has it been since you've had a sip of good bourbon?"
Trembling, he replies, "Ten Years!"
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, more...

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog
and cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice
fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration."Thanks," the girl says.The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner" the
fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but
if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster."The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a
siren."

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!", he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long more...

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?""Ten years!", he says.She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's more...

A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is." The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her." Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her. Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung on the side. The boy was wearing a firefighter's helmet and had the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The firefighter said, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?"

The little boy said, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration.

"Thanks mister" the boy said.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed that the boy had tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

"You're probably right, more...

A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot.
The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot.
The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.
The elephant then continues on its way. "I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember me?" the man muses to himself.
It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the States.
He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost like it KNOWS him.
The man wonders, "Could this be that elephant I helped so long ago?" He decides to get a closer look.
With the elephant still giving him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the elephant's face.
It reaches down... picks the man up more...