Closet Jokes / Recent Jokes
This week, I am at home and playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is so easy, I thought I would share it with you.
1. Make the beds. What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one.
2. Pick up dog poop in yard. It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop? Scratch two.
3. Drop your shirts off at the cleaners. Duh, I'm on vacation, I don't need them. Scratch three.
This is easy! What's the fuss? Think I'll go on AOL for awhile.
4. Clean out Tupperware cabinet. Uh, that's a hard one. Got it! Velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four.
5. Mop kitchen floor. The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five. Good doggie, go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.
6. Find something fun for the kids to do. That tinfoil in the microwave more...
There was a devote Islamic man who did his prayers five times a day.
Now, the first prayer was rather early in the morning, but he was always awake in time because the prayers were important. One morning, however, he was about to sleep though his prayers, when there was suddently a noice in the closet.
Realizing he was late, he quickly got up and said his prayers. After he was done, he went to look in his closet, and there was Iblis (the Devil).
The man said "Iblis, were you the one that woke me up?"
Iblis said "Yes".
The man replied "Well, why didn't you let me sleep through my prayers?".
And Iblis replied "Well, I thoguht about it, but then I realized how bad you'd feel, and how you'd try and make it up to God, so I decided I'd better wake you up."
Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong.
There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where I want ya, and now I'm gonna eat ya!"
Maria got freaked out and said "I don't believe it! I'm just gonna check one more time."
Again she heard "I've gotcha where I want ya, and now I'm gonna eat ya!" But this time she opened the closet so that she more...
If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing "I thought you loved me!", and run from the room.Tell a middle-aged wife, "Your husband seems very happy with that girl in the closet..."Tell a middle aged man, "Your wife seems very happy with that boy in the closet..."Whisper to the guest on your right, "What kind of lame moron actually goes to these parties, anyway?"Bring Lego warships and fighter jets. Wage a war in the middle of the room. Urge other guests to get involved. If you are a historical expert, reenact the revolutionary war, the civil war, world war two, etc.Bring a soccer ball, basketball, football, or baseball. Start a game... in the kitchen.Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.Wear wool or feathers and more...
Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.
Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.
When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands!
Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?"
Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better!
Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.
Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."
Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.
Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too).
If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.
If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing, "I thought you loved me!" and run from the more...
A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it."
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$25.00."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball mitt."
The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: more...