Coat Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for
their 25th anniversary.
"HA," he snorted. " The day I buy you a fur coat will
be the day you can grow hair on your chest!"
On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and
thrust her pubic area forward. "There! I have hair on my chest, now buy
me a fur coat."
"That's not your chest!" he roars back.
"Damn right it's my chest," she argued. "Before we got
married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure
chest. Afterwards it became our family chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR
COAT IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"

Guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a beer. At this point the bartender leaves to take care of some business in the back. As he is about to take his first sip someone says,
"Hey thats a great coat!"
He turns around and to his surprise no one is there. He shrugs it off as nothing and goes back to his beer.
"You look great did you get a haircut?!" Again someone exclaims.
He turns around, and again; No one.
He goes back to his beer when someone again shouts.
"Those shoes go great with that great coat!"
At this point the man is just about at his wits end, when the bartender comes out.
"Excuse me barkeep" the man replies "Someone keeps speaking to me, but everytime I turn around no one is there."
The bartender replies back at the bewildered man. "Oh thats just the peanuts... They're complimentry"

Buying a Fur Coat
Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, young Jackie said unhappily, "Mom, do you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?"
The woman shot her an angry look, "Jackie, how dare you talk about your father like that!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

A circus owner was looking to hire a lion tamer and two young people showed up for the tryout. One was a handsome young man, the other a young, gorgeous blonde woman.
"I'm not going to sugar coat this for you," the circus owner told them, "This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so both of you better be good, or you're history. Here's your equpment - a chair, whip and gun. Now, which one of you would like to go first?"
The young blonde woman decided she would go first. She walked right past the chair, whip and gun, and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion immediately began to snarl, pant and charge her. About halfway there, she threw open her coat to reveal her beautiful naked body.
Stopping dead in his tracks, the lion sheepishly crawled up to her and proceeded to lick her ankles. He then licked her calves, kissed them, and came to rest with his head at her feet.
Seeing this, the circus owner's mouth dropped to the floor. more...

Definitions of A Diplomat:
Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows.
Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats.
Can always make himself misunderstood.
Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans.
Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable.
Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi.
Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.
Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest.
Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests.
Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat.
Can make nothing sound like something.
Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes.
Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way.
Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his more...