Color Jokes / Recent Jokes

I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

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We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko
bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No
Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing
anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just more...

This is a story about Johnnie's day at school....Johnnie's teacher got up
in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing
game! The teacher said, "I have something behind my back. It's red in
color and round. It's soft, but it's hard."
Johnnie raised his hand and
said, "Teacher, I know it's a red rubber ball." The teacher said, "No
Johnnie, it's an apple, but I like the way that you think."
Next the
teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. "I have
something behind my back. It's orange in color and round. It's soft,
but it's hard," said Johnnie's teacher.
Johnnie raised his hand again
and said, "Teacher, teacher, I know it's an orange rubber ball." The
teacher looked at Johnnie and said, "No Johnnie, it's an orange, but I
like the way that you think."
Johnnie was now getting the hang of it so
he asked the teacher if he more...

A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it's being born." The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don't you know what color the child is going to be?" "Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I'm a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is." "OK", says the doctor, "I'll do it for you but it is most unusual." The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?" "Yes, doctor he was.", says the woman. "Wait", says the doctor," The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?" "Yes, doctor he was." "Wait, now the legs are out and they're brown. Was one of more...

You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an offblue."
Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color.
And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green ide up!"
Struck with curiosity, the woman more...