Columbia Jokes / Recent Jokes

M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend."
"Have some fries."
Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend."
"Have some fries."
Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today."
"Have some fries."
Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith."
"Cool! Me too! Have some fries."
Swarthmore: "I got a B."
"Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."
Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend."
"Poor dear. Have some Escargot."
Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?"
"Nope. Have some fries."
Williams: "Don't I know you?"
"Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."
Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend."
"Bummer. Have some fries."
Columbia: "I wish I could be eating these more...

M. I. T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend."
"Have some fries."

Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend."
"Have some fries."

Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today."
"Have some fries."

Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith."
"Cool! Me too! Have some fries."

Swarthmore: "I got a B."
"Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."

Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend."
"Poor dear. Have some Escargot."

Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?"
"Nope. Have some fries."

Williams: "Don`t I know you?"
"Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."

Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend."
"Bummer. Have some more...

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4
men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting
two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men
showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies
were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had
been stolen from the car.

In its ongong efforts to salvage its reputation from charges of rampant anti-Semitism on campus and in the classroom, Columbia University has now invited Iranian President Ahmadinejad to speak today. Opening for him will be Adolf Hitler's ghost.



Well that was supposed to be a joke, Folks. But here's the update, from Columbia dean John Coatsworth:

If Hitler were willing to engage in a debate, and a discussion, to be challenged by Columbia students and faculty, we would certainly invite him.
(Of course, both Ahmadinejad and Hitler would need far less security on a college campus than would speakers like George W. Bush, Benjamin Netanyahu or Ann Coulter.)

Q: How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy six-one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and twenty five to hold a counter protest.
Note: Columbia was the most politically active of the ivies back in the 1960s.

A Columbia Maryland Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the Turf Valley Country Club at ten o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again.
He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What the hell took ya so long? You're over two hours late."
"Hey! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie. "I have a 27 handicap."

Columbia University must be full of that Columbian weed to invite Abdenajad to speak, maybe he should bring his steak knives with him to convert them to Islam, eh?