Comely Jokes

Miss Bradshaw, a comely high school teacher, had saved money for several years and was finally aboard a sleek ocean liner for her long-anticipated trip to Europe. Aboard ship, she wrote:

"Dear Diary: Monday. I felt singularly honored this evening. The Captain asked me to dine at his table. Tuesday. I spent the entire morning on the bridge with the Captain. Wednesday. The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman. Thursday. Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals. Friday. This afternoon I saved sixteen hundred lives."

Mrs. Fenwick, the comely fourth-grade teacher, recognized the gleam in little Tad's eye, the way his gaze followed her around the room. He obviously had a crush on her, and, calling him aside after school, she gave him an opening to discuss his infatuation.
"Tad, your grades have been slipping, and I notice you've not been paying attention to your sehoolwork. Is something. . . distracting you?"
Blushing slightly, the boy said in a soft voice, "Yes, Mrs. Fenwick."
"By any chance," she said compassionately,' 'would it be me?"
Tad nodded, and the teacher smiled warmly.
"Tad, I want you-to know that I'm very flattered and, to tell you the truth, I do hope t5 have a husband one day. . . someone who's as bright and cute as you."
"Then why not-"
"Why not you?" she asked. "Well, Tad, the truth is I don't want a child."
Tad held up two fingers and crossed his heart, In that case, more...