Coming Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bob calls in to his job:"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work." The boss says:"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that." 2 hours later Bob calls:"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again."

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I more...

Insurance Form Statements...
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint more...

On a college field trip, four Engineering and four Pre-Law students were travelling on the same train. The law students each had a ticket, but the Engineers had but one ticket amongst them. One of the Engineers shouted "conductor's coming!", and the four Engineers crowded into one of the bathrooms. The conductor comes by and knocks on the bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The Engineers slip their one and only ticket under the door. The conductor punches it an moves on to the next car.
On the return trip, the four Lawyers, impressed by the Engineers' trick, purchase only one ticket. The Engineers, however have no tickets at all!. Suddenly, one of the Engineers shouts "Conductor's coming". All four Engineers head for the bathroom, and all four lawyers crowd into the other one. Then, one of the Engineers slips out of his bathroom and knocks on the other bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The lawyers then slip their only ticket under more...

Insurance Form Statements...
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal more...

Insurance Form Statements...Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.As I approached more...