Communism Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Capitalism, the Socialism, and the Communism meet one day and decide to have a small party among themselves.
Since they had nothing to drink and eat, the Socialism said he was going out to buy something. So he leaves.
An hour passes, then two hours, three, it's getting very late, and the two friends are about to go home, but then the Socialism finally returns.
He makes his excuses and says he bought vodka but then he had to wait in a huge line for sausage.
Not quite believing, the Capitalism wonders: "What's 'the line'?"
"And what's the 'sausage'?" asks the Communism.

Two Americans are talking. One asks: "What's the difference between capitalism and communism?"

"That's easy" says the other one. "In capitalism man exploits man! In communism it is the other way around!"

DEFINING SOCIETIES VIA THE OWNERSHIP OF 2 COWS
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the more...

FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need. FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you more...

A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User`s Manual?
The bus and train timetables.
What do you call a Lada on a hill?
A bloody miracle.
One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her choice. She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, "Oh, Erich, if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the borders just for one day." Honnecker said, "Of course, my dear," but was a bit puzzled by her request. He asked, "But why would you have me do such a thing?" The mistress replied, "I want to be alone with you."
Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn`t there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat more...

On Cows and Government
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the more...

Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon.
Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic.
"I'm sorry," says Socialism, "I was standing in line for sausage."
Capitalism says - "What's a line?"
And Communism says - "What's a sausage?"