Cook Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today.. Cook: There is. Fred: No, there isn't. There's only cheese pie. Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The
huge guy behind the counter bellows "One burger." The cook, who's even
bigger screams "burger!", whereupon he grabs a huge chunk of chop meat,
stuffs it under his bare armpit, and pumps it few times to squeeze it flat, then
tosses it on the grill. The old lady says "That's the most disgusting thing I
have ever seen!!" The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the
morning when he makes the doughnuts!!"

Teacher: Now, Sam, Tell Me Frankly Do You Say Prayers Before Eating?
Student: No Sir, I Don't Have To My Mom Is A Good Cook

According to Life & Style Magazine, romantic sparks are flying between comedian Dane Cook and his, "Employee of the Month" co-star Jessica Simpson. Cook would not confirm the rumor, however he does list, "Comics who've F-ed Jessica Simpson" as one of his MySpace groups.

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.

1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. Resistance to Beer

4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)

6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don`t Wash My Silks")

9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook

10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You, The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons To Give Flowers

15. Garbage - Getting It To The more...

So wives and significant others get a break! Barbecues are not allowed! Rolaids are!
SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS
Kitchen closed - this chick has had it!
Martha Stewart doesn't live here!
I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!
Ring Bell for Maid Service... If no answer do it yourself!
I clean house every other day... Today is the other day!
If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
If you don't like my standards of cooking... lower your standards.
You may touch the dust in this house... but please don't write in it!
Apology... Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even more...

In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, And darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And so God created Man in His own image; Male and female He created them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman And saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth With broccoli and cauliflower and spinach And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And so the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained five pounds.
And so God created the healthful yogurt, That Woman might keep her figure. But the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil more...