Couch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about' courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.' Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and gettin all more...
Little Jonny Again.
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Little Johnny was 10 years old and like other boys his age, he was rather
curious about everything. He had been hearing quite a bit about' courting'
from the older boys at school, and he wondered what it was, and how it was
done.
One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the
curtains one night, and watch his older sister and her boyfriend, who she
explained were "courting."
This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his
mother, in great detail.
"Well, Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off
most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis
must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have
thought so more...
Santas DiversionSanta was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman wasawaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying "Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know." Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear." OH Santa, won't you please stay?" she begged. Taking a long look, Santa sighedand delivered a not too believable, "Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presentsyou know." Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remainingclothing, smiled and said in the sexiest voice imaginable, "Oh, Santa, pleasereconsider? Stay with me?" With a very pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said very slowly, "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know." And with that, he turned and left. Two minutes passed, and Santa reappeared, ploppinghimself down on the couch next to the more...
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.
Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:' Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:' He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
your so stupid that instead of you sitting on the couch &wacthing the t.v. you sat on the t.v. &wacthed the couch
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Doc: Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head.
Then you'll have a bad headache.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God!
Doc: When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the...
Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee!
Doc: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST?
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
Doc: I never make rash promises!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog!
Doc: So what's wrong with that?
I think I'm going to croak!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.But I'm not allowed up on the couch! Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! Doc: Do you drink a lot? Not really - I spill most of it! Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head.Then you'll have a bad headache.Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God! Doc: When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the...Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! Doc: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST? Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? Doc: I never make rash promises! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog! Doc: So what's wrong with that? I think I'm going to croak!