Course Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?""I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.""Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?""Dublin," comes the reply."I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.""Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?""Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in' 62.""This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in' 62, too!"About that time in comes one of more...

There was a large nuclear accident and one of the worlds largest cities was totally destroyed. There were millions of people dead it was a real tragedy. With that many people of course things got backed up at the pearly gates, where they have to interview everyone. The people were lined up for miles. Then at the front of the line a large cheer went up, and there was much rejoicing. Of course the people at the back of the line were curious about what was happening. Finally one man stepped out and called toward the front of the line, "what's going on?" Someone called back "They ain't gonna count fucking."

Prelude:
Here it is! The REAL Windows FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) Version 4. 2e! The authors are still searching for more Windows/Microsoft/Bill Gates related experiences, short stories, origins and other jokes. Please send them to the support site mentioned at the end of this document.

01. Novice-Question: How do I recognize Windows?
If your screen is invaded by countless silly little icons no one is able to understand, if your computers speed is reduced to almost zero, if your hard disk is full, if you can't start your normal programs anymore, then indeed you have made the fatal mistake of acquiring Microsoft Windows!
02. Virgin-Questions: What exactly is Windows? Why do I need Windows?
Windows is a form of modern warfare. It's yet another attempt of the electronics industry to rape and destroy the minds of its unsuspecting victims. And of course you don't need Windows. It needs you. Bill Gates needs you to buy it to get even more rich and more...

Four guys were out on the golf course. As one of them was teeing off at the 10th hole, which was next to the highway, they saw a funeral precession go by. Instead of teeing off, the guy removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed. At this point, one of the other three said, "You know, that was the most touching thing I've ever seen." And the guy answers, "Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!"

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

The World's Shortest Sales Course
#1 Know their business.
#2 Know your stuff.

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob
suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.Says Jacob:' We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?' Pharmacist:' Of course we do.'Jacob:' How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist:' All kinds.'Jacob:' Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?' Pharmacist:' Definitely.'Jacob:' How about Viagra?' Pharmacist:' Of course.'Jacob:' Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'Pharmacist:' Yes, a large variety. The works.'Jacob:' What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?' Pharmacist:' Absolutely.'Jacob:' You sell wheelchairs and walkers?' Pharmacist:' All speeds and sizes.'Jacob says to the pharmacist:' We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'