Crackers Jokes

The Food and Drug Administration is busy testing crackers and peanut butter in the recent salmonella scare. They test them by eating a whole package, then see how long it takes them to whistle out their ass.

When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.
"What are you doing?" his mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained."I'm looking for the seal."

During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice to the other end cooly explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number."

A duck walks into a bar and asks "got any crackers?" bartender says no. Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks, "got any crackers?" bar tender says no. Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks got any crackers? Bartender says, "I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time I'll nail your beak shut!" Duck walks out. Duck comes back the next day and asks, "got any nails?" bartender says no. Duck says "good. Got any crackers?"

Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me. Every night I get the uncontrollable urge to go downstairs and stick my dick into the biscuit tin. Do you know what's wrong with me?
Doctor: Yes... You're fucking crackers!