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The Mammogram
This is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises:
1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) between the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.
2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.
3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

The MammogramThis is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises:1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) beetween the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.

GENERAL Gul Hasan in his Memoirs has one amusing episode about the famous wrestler Gama who migrated from Patiala to Pakistan in 1947.

'When everyone had eaten, there were some delegations waiting to see the Governor-General. The first of these was headed by Gama, our champion wrestler. Khawaja Nizamuddin talked to him for a bit and then moved on, leaving it to Mudie to sort out his problems. I was with Mudie.

Gama told him he could not make ends meet, leave alone attempting to keep himself in shape for any tournaments that might be arranged. In the princely State of Patiala, where he had been, he was given a handsome salary and all his nourishment was provided free of cost.

Mudie casually asked him how much it amounted to. Gama replied he did not know the cost but he was provided with the following items daily: six gallons of milk, an equal amount of purified butter, and a long catalogue of other such devastating items in equally devastating more...

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown. Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, MassachusettsTeen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows -The New York Times, March more...

A man from Tyson Foods is visiting with the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, "Your Eminence, we have a wonderful deal for you. If you will change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread... ' to 'give us this day our daily chicken... ' we are prepared to donate $300 million to the Church."
"That is not possible," the Pope responds. "The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
"Well," the man from Tyson says, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread... ' to 'give us this day our daily chicken... '"
Again, the Pope responds, "That is not possible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the man from Tyson says, "Your Eminence, this is our final offer. We are prepared to donate $3 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from more...

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words."
So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.
"Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. more...