Dark Jokes / Recent Jokes
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies." You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks." No thanks," the man replies." I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues." OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in." Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies." TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy." It's dark in here, isn't it?" more...
Your momma so dark when i shot a bullet at her it came back looking for a flash light!
After receiving, for what must be the hundredth time, the canonical light bulb joke list, I came up with this:
Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark.
A': One: to award a billion dollar sole-source contract with Halliburton to replace it.
A'': thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb's burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the President's bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go out on talk shows to accuse the Democrats of being weak on light, and one to deny rumors that it's still dark in there.
A''': sixty: thirty to bribe staffers to write letters telling everyone how wonderful it is to sit in the dark, and thirty more to bribe newspaper editors to publish those letters.
A'''': The Administration will defend its policy of warrant-less surveillance of all Americans suspected of supporting foreign terrorist more...
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
Q: How many (generation) Xers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have something to screw in and the other to screw it in for minimum wage.
Q: How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they *like* it in the dark.
Q: How many alt. vampyres readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! Yecch! We LOVE the dark, stupid!
Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
Q: How many one-armed people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, as long as he kept the till receipt.
Q: How many [members of your favorite group] does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but they have to be *really tiny*.
Q: How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least three. (Notes: think height!)
Following is the dialog of what was 'apparently' an actual phone conversation between a WordPerfect user and a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
"Hello. May I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"Yes. They disappeared."
"Hmmmm. What does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How can I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a C-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your more...