Dealer Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can clean her crack and resell it the next day.
Solitaire ‘99
Here is the README. TXT file from Microsoft’s latest software product.
Microsoft Solitaire ‘98
README file, v4. 3
Welcome!
Congratulations!
Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire ‘98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as “long filenames! ”
For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*
Solitaire ‘98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.
System Requirements:
- 266 MHz Pentium II or better
- 800 megabytes of free hard drive more...
A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One dayhe has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells the young man an old biker's trick is to keep a jar ofVaseline handy and smear it on the chrome if the bike must beleft out in the rain. A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love. Sheasks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readilyagrees and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up onhis Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in shetells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks firstafter dinner must do the dishes. After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the firstperson to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteenminutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over and more...
A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the more...
The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.
"I'll tell you why," scolded Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register."
"Well, interrupted the dealer, "didn't you receive them yet?"
"Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown. "However, you sent us some golf pencils...
... each stamped with the words,' Play Golf Next Sunday.' "
Q. Whats the difference between a prostitute and a crack dealer?
A. A prostitute can wash her crack and re-sell it...
This (Blonde) fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of- the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.
So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The more...