Deep Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a more...
There are 2 french frys in a deep frier and one of them says.
’God it’s hot in here! ’
The other french fry then says ’Argghhh! a talking french fry’ and flys off.
A golfer was standing in the fairway, about 140 yards out, when a frog whispered from the rough, "Use an 8-iron."
The golfer, deep in concentration, pulled out his 8-iron and hit the shot. It rolled right into the cup for an eagle.
"Now take me to Vegas," said the frog.
"What?" said the startled golfer, suddenly realizing it was a talking frog.
"You heard me," repeated the frog, "take me to Vegas. I'm obviously a lucky fog and we'll make a bundle!"
So the golfer picked up the frog and they flew to Vegas.
In the casino, the frog whispered, "Go to the dice table and bet everything on the pass line."
The shooter rolled a seven, and the man with the frog won $100,000. Then the guy took the frog upstairs to his room and the frog said, "Kiss me."
When he did, the frog turned into the most beautiful girl you've ever seen - deep blue eyes, blond hair, a beautiful smile, and 16 years more...
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.
The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.
The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?
Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."
The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you`re no miner!"
On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.
The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?
Santa says, "Oh sure."
The boss asks how deep underground he worked.
Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20, 000 feet underground."
The boss says, "20, 000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"
Santa says, more...
Diving Deep One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote -
"I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"
What would happen if you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers?
He would starve to death.
What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
Senator.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
"Your honor."
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
What does it mean when a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule?
It means that after you pay his bill, it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep?
Because deep down, they are really good guys.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A shortage of more...