Degrees Jokes / Recent Jokes
The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered -"I guess you'd be eating alone!"
Buy A Dumpster, Paint It Gray And Live In It For 6 Months Straight.
Run All Of The Piping And Wires Inside Your House On The Outside Of The Walls.
Pump 10 Inches Of Nasty, Crappy Water Into Your Basement, Then Pump It Out, Clean Up, And Paint The Basement "Deck Gray." Repeat.
Every Couple Of Weeks, Dress Up In Your Best Clothes And Go The Scummiest Part Of Town, Find The Most Run Down, Trashy Bar You Can, Pay $10 Per Beer Until You're Hammered, Then Walk Home In The Freezing Cold.
Perform A Weekly Disassembly And Inspection Of Your Lawnmower.
On Mondays, Wednesdays, And Fridays Turn Your Water Temperature Up To 200 Degrees, Then On Tuesday And Thursday Turn It Down To 10 Degrees. On Saturdays, And Sundays Declare To Your Entire Family That They Used Too Much Water During The Week, So All Showering Is Secured.
This is a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Chinese authorities off the coast of Vietnam in South China Sea in October 1980.
CHINESE: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CHINESE: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CHINESE: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS MIDWAY, the second largest ship in the United States Pacific Fleet.
We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CHINESE: This is a lighthouse. You are on the more...
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the' most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
Q: What is one horsepower?
A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are more...
THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now. To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs. To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know more...
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Meghan H. - Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. You take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.
Megan K - Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.
Christa - Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.
Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.
Tommy - Pumpkin
Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin.
Joplyn - Apple Pie
Take more...
A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil.
The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20 pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity.
At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.
The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity.
At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.
At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind.
At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, instead more...