Dessert Jokes / Recent Jokes
Long, but really funny... from a Company in USA. DATE: October 01, 2003RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1: 00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. 00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty =============================================================== FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 02, 2003 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our more...
The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout theUnited States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. Theylived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate ofthe Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, socertain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. TheEgyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the firstbook of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from anapple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother'sson?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarchwho brought up his twelve sons more...
"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."
"I don't know, doc, she's awfully cold..."
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um... okay."
The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's more...
You know them... those waiters/waitresses who turn obsequiousness into
a weapon, whose solicitous inquiries are perfectly timed to destroy
your jokes and intimate moments... something like this:
YOU:... so, finally, the third farmer turns to the bartender and
says, "Hey, that's not a duck, that's-"
[Waiter appears out of nowhere]
WAITER: How is everything? [beams smugly]
YOU: Fine. So he says, "Hey, that's not a duck, that's a-"
WAITER: Can I get you anything else to drink? [All the glasses are full]
YOU: No, no. Anyway, "That's not a duck, that's a-"
WAITER: [to your companion] And for you, madam?
HER: Hmm? Oh, let me see...
[You give up; the waiter returns to the kitchen triumphantly]
Later...
YOU:... and the doctor looked at the X-ray yesterday and told me
that if I didn't have the operation, eventually it would
get so big that they'd have to cut off my-
[Waiter materializes from thin more...
This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either puking or shitting.
After several hours of this, he is able to stop puking, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes to shit. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride).
They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the more...
The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout theUnited States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. Theylived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate ofthe Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, socertain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. TheEgyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the firstbook of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from anapple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother'sson?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarchwho brought up his twelve sons more...