Devil Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Doctor dies and goes to hell. The devil greets him and tells him that since he was doctor, and did some good that he could choose his eternity. The devil opens the first door, there are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons. "Oh my God, I don't want that", the doctor replies.

The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts. "That one is even worse!" says the doctor, getting more nervous.

The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses."Sign me up for that eternity!" the doctor states. The devil then slams that door and says,"You can't go there, you weren't supposed to see that." The doctor states why can't I go there? The devil replies, "Well.... that's nurse hell."

The 5 Levels of Drinking
Level 1:
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have
work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your unemployed
friends. Here at level I you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly. Why, as long as I
get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."
Level 2:
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against
artificial tuff. You get up to leave again, but at level
2, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with
my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long
as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers), I'm
COOl."
Level 3:
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes
arguing for artificial tuff. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most more...

A firefighter died and went to hell where he finds a wall of clocks. After seeing all these clocks on a wall, with his friends names under them, he asked the devil, what the clocks mean?"Thats easy, each time one of your friends mess up on earth, their clock speeds up one hour." says the devil."I dont see the Chiefs clock anywhere?" the fireman says. The devil replied, "Oh him, we have his down in the basement, were using it for a fan."

A wicked Chicago man died and went to the place all wicked people go. The Devil decided to shove him in a room and cranked the heat and humidity up.The man smiled. When the Evil One asked why the man was smiling he said: "Just like Chicago in Spring"So the Most Evil One cranked up the heat and humidity more. The man removed his coat, smiled, and said:"Just like Chicago in Summer"This time the Destroyer of Beauty cranked the heat and humidity to maximum.The man removed his shirt and tie and said"Just like Chicago in August"The Devil then got an idea. He shut off the heat and turned on the air conditioning. The room froze in seconds. Ice was everywhere. Polar bears hid in dens because it was so cold. Satan, confident he had finally won, peaked in the man's room only to find the man cheering and partying frantically...."The Cubs won the World Series...The Cubs won the World Series..."

A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.
When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren't you afraid of me, I'm evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!"
The man replied "You don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for 35 years".

A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren't you afraid of me, I'm evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!"The man replied "You don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for 35 years".

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil. Devil: Why so glum? Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell. Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man? Guy: Sure I love to drink. Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays that's all we do. Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab... We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more. Guy: Gee, that sounds great. Devil: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it. Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay... you're already dead! Guy: No way! Devil: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've even opened up a Pai Gow poker table. Guy: Hmmm, I've never played pai gow more...