Die Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
"You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"
The Englishman spoke first.
"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."
"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."
The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."
The terrorist turned finally to the more...

"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor." Has she started to neglect you?" "Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, and she keeps the kids out of my hair. She even lets me choose the television shows we watch." "So what's the problem?" "Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, but at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers,' Die! Die, you son of a bitch!'"

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, more...

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the cheif then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"

Here, you'll find jokes and humor about the elderly.


Humor about DeathOLD WANTS never die, they become needs
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged
OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over
WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, -- but their future is doubtful

Three guys get stranded on a island after crashing their boat
were captured by the native tribe. A man who appeared to be
their leader or chief approached the first guy and asked him
with his firm and manly voice, "Do you want death or Ungabunga?"

The man thought to himself for a minute and replied, "Well I
don't want to die, so I'll take Ungabunga," not knowing what
Ungabunga meant.

The Leader announces to his people, "Ungabunga!" Then all of a sudden hundreds of men start running to the guy and start raping him, shouting,

"Ungabunga! Ungabunga! Ungabunga!"
The chief then goes to the second guy and says, "Do you want
death or Ungabunga?"

The guy thinks to himself for a few minutes
and replies, "I don't want to die. I'll take Ungabunga."
"UngaBunga! Ungabunga! Ungabunga!" The Indians shouted as they all raped him.
The Chief more...

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.
Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."
Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.
"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation. After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. more...