Direction Jokes / Recent Jokes
Police gaffe makes Muslims pray in wrong direction
A Dutch police station trying to help Muslim detainees face Mecca for their prayers painted arrows in cells pointing in the wrong direction...Muslims pray five times a day, facing east in the direction of Mecca. But the arrows in Segbroek pointed west.
"This is a really gigantic, stupid blunder," a police spokesman told the De Telegraaf. "The faulty compass marks have been immediately corrected. It is a mystery for us how this could have possibly happened".
I think Theo Van Gogh was just having some fun.
Regardless, what does it matter if they're facing eastward or westward? As long as they pray downwards, they're facing their paradise.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice. A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb. A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb... A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not more...
The following are copies of actual written statements submitted to the police on report forms. The drivers were instructed to give brief statements on the particulars of the accident in their own words.
Here are some examples...
Woman Driver: I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
Man Driver: A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
Woman Driver: The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
Man Driver: I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
Man Driver: In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
Man Driver: I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.
Woman Driver: I saw the slow moving, sad face, old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
Woman Driver: I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was more...
Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",
SARDAR Major: "Excellent! We can now attack them in any direction"! .
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not more...
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the follow- ing agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumina- tion of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement be- tween the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall more...
These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?""Sure, more...