Director Jokes / Recent Jokes

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a wellbehaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager ofthe club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Directorsaid: "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you letthem in?" The General Director agreed.The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Directorshouted: "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. "Sit down, nuts!"Everyone sat down. "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around.Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the thirdinning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion! People were runninghelter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone hadcalled out: "Peanuts!"

Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today more...

Q: How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one... but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?

Button sported by high school band director - A depiction of a saxophone and a cymbal, with the caption "Sax Cymbal."

Q: How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one more, guys, I promise.

After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate.
"So sorry about your untimely death," he tells the director. "But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him."
The great man is humbled, "God wants ME to direct a film?"
"Yes," St. Peter tells him. "And we've arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare."
The director is stunned, "An original screenplay by William Shakespeare?"
"Yes," St. Peter assures him, "And it's his greatest work ever."
"Wow!" says the Director, awe struck.
"Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We've got Leonardo Da Vinci doing more...

The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they've gotten for the cast.
"First of all," he tells him, "We've got Gibson in the lead."
The director is surprised, "You got Mel Gibson?"
"Well, no," the Producer responds, "we got Marvin Gibson, he's a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he's very up and coming. And besides, we've also got Redford."
"You got Robert Redford?" the director asks.
"No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he's very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " we've got Streisand and in a singing role."
"Barbara Streisand?" he asks.
"No, Elizabeth Streisand." The Producer responds. "But she's got a great voice. AND we've got Goulet."
"You got Robert more...