Doctor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."

There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help.
Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem."
"A gas problem?" replied the doctor.
"Yes. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions
Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we more...

A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do except for Banta, the town's grouch.
So Banta went to this 'Miracle Doctor' to prove that he wasn't so miraculous.
He goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing, so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tell Banta, "What you need is jar number 43."
"Jar number 43?", Banta wonders.
So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar and tells Banta to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is Shit!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Banta," says the doctor.
So Banta goes home very mad.
One month later, Banta goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the more...

Birth Control Pills At 72?
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So, the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My more...

Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he had recently performed a successful sight-saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated pop artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?"

"To tell the truth," replied the physician, "my first thought was, thank more...

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest.

"Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the more...