Dole Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman, who was a die-hard political activist, went to a tatoo parlor and had a picture of Bob Dole etched on one thigh - high up - ever so close to the bikini line. Then she had a picture of Bill Clinton added to the other thigh - high up - ever so close to the bikini line.
That night she went to her political club and, spreading her legs wide apart to show her new tatoos, she asked a man who had always been politically non-comittal, whom he favored, Bill Clinton on the left, or Bob Dole on the right.
He said, Well... I'm leaning toward Ross Perot, there in the center!

'Twas the Newt Before Christmas
by Dean Bakopoulos
' Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service men were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed
after locking out Mr. Kennedy and the dirty thoughts in his head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy grey tweed,
had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
all drunken and rowdy:' twas Gingrich and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"
The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow
gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear,
but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer,
with more...

Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says "I'm going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy."
Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my $100 bill, I would split it into 2 $50 bills and make two people down below happy."
Of course Clinton doesn't want these two candidates to outdo him, so he pipes in, "I would instead take 100 $1 bills and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier."
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.

Bill Clinton has just had a major new policy decision that he thinks is going to "save" America. He decides to talk it over with Senator Dole.

Dole says, "Well Bill, the Republicans aren`t to sure about this. Why do you go back to the White House and write a 20, 000 word essay on your ideas, aims, etc. If you give it to me by 8 A. M. tomorrow, we`ll think about it."

So, Bill goes back and does probably that hardest night`s work ever. He really puts his heart and soul into the paper and proudly hands it over to Bob the next morning.

Bill was told to come back the next day when the republicans would pass judgement. The next day, Bill again trudges in and Bob says, "Well Mr President, we were impressed with the paper, but there were a couple of spelling mistakes. Here`s the deal. I`m giving you a pair of dice, and if you role 1 to 11, we won`t pass it."

"But what if I get a 12?" Bill asks. And Bob more...

'Twas the night before Christmas ( White House Style )

'Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service men were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed
after locking out Mr. Kennedy and the dirty thoughts in his head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed,
had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
all drunken and rowdy' twas Gingrich and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"
The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow
gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear,
but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice more...

What did Bob Dole reply when asked if he preferred boxers or briefs? "Depends."