Dollar Jokes / Recent Jokes

YO MAMMA'S SO FAT: -she was mistaken for god's bowling ball. -when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up -she had to go to Sea World to get babtised -she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth -her favorite dress is a tent -she left home with highheels and came back with flip-flops -she has to iron her pants on the driveway -she needs a building permit for her girdle -she needs a hula-hoop for a belly button ear ring -she puts on tampons with a bazooka -she has to put lipstick on with a paint roller -she had to get her ears pierced with a harpoon -she sat on a rainbow and and Skittles came out -she sat on a quarter and got 2 dimes and a nickel -she rolled over 4 quarters and made it a dollar -when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose -the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

Two brothers, Ying and Yang, wandering down a street in America with arms full of purchases and cameras swinging from their necks, one of the brothers slips into the bank to exchange 30,000 yen into dollars.
Ying: 'I wan to change 30,000 yen for dollar, bow much I get?'
Teller: 'Oh, you will get $8000.'
Ying: ‘Fank you very much.'
Teller: 'You're welcome,' and hands Ying the $8000.
Ying and Yang carry on doing copious amounts of shopping until Yang says he is a little low on local currency.
So Ying told Yang to go to the same bank and get a good deal. So off Yang goes.
Yang: 'I wan to change 30,000 yen for dollar. Now much I get?'
Teller: 'Oh, you will get $6000. '
Yang: 'Only $6000! But how cum my broffer, just a few hour ago, get $8000?'
Teller: 'Fluctuations.'
Yang: 'Well, fluck you Yankees too!'

This young husband realizes he has made a mistake marrying his wife and decides to have her offed for her insurance. Through a friend of a friend, the young husband locates "Artie" who has done these contracts before.
Artie meets with the young husband and Artie agrees to do the job for $10,000 with $5,000 upfront. The husband says he doesn't have that kind of money now but will when he collects the insurance money. Artie says he still wants something. What's in his wallet? The young husband pulls out his wallet and shows Artie a dollar. Artie takes the dollar as the down payment.
Artie tails the wife and follows her into the produce section of a grocery store. Thinking they're alone, Artie approaches the wife and chokes her to death. A produce worker comes up having seen the whole thing. Not wanting to leave any witnesses, Artie chokes him to death, too. Unbeknownst to Artie, this is all captured on the in-store camera. Artie is caught. The headlines the next day more...

This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration more...

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A' friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of' Artie.'
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5, 000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworths store. There, he surprised her in the produce department more...

This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
"That's easy, Guy," more...

Two brothers, Ying and Yang, wandering down a street in America with arms full of purchases and cameras swinging from their necks, one of the brothers slips into the bank to exchange 30,000 yen into dollars.
Ying: 'I wan to change 30,000 yen for dollar, bow much I get?'
Teller: 'Oh, you will get $8000.'
Ying: ‘Fank you very much.'
Teller: 'You're welcome,' and hands Ying the $8000.
Ying and Yang carry on doing copious amounts of shopping until Yang says he is a little low on local currency.
So Ying told Yang to go to the same bank and get a good deal. So off Yang goes.
Yang: 'I wan to change 30,000 yen for dollar. Now much I get?'
Teller: 'Oh, you will get $6000. '
Yang: 'Only $6000! But how cum my broffer, just a few hour ago, get $8000?'
Teller: 'Fluctuations.'
Yang: 'Well, fluck you Yankees too!'