Dragging Jokes / Recent Jokes

A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash. The doctor asked the man: "What are you doing, walking the dog?" The man replied: "Oh no, I'm just dragging my toothbrush on a leash." The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions... And the man said to his toothbrush: "Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!"

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969. ” The other hooks his thumb behind him says, “Dog shit, 20 feet back. ”

A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm. His neighbor sees him and asks what he has.

The guy replies, "Its chicken wire and I'm going to catch some chickens."

His neighbor says, "You fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire." Later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 chickens. The next day he sees him walking down the street with some duct tape under his arm. Once again he asks what the guy is up to.

The guy says he has some duct tape and he is going to catch some ducks.

He replies, "You fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Sure enough later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 ducks behind him. The next day, he sees the guy walking with something else under his arm. He asks what it is.

The guy replies, "Its pussy willow." He says, "Hold on, let me get my hat."

So a ten-year old kid walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog on a
leash behind him. He goes up to the madam and says, "I'd like a lady
for the evening, please."
The madam looks down an him and says, "Sorry, Kid, you're too young."
So, the kid reaches into his wallet and pulls out a hundred
bucks. He says a bit more forcefully, "I'd like a lady for the
evening, PLEASE."
The madam, never passing up a chance to make money, replies, "OK,
Kid. What's your pleasure?"
The young man looks back at the dead frog and says, "She's gotta have
an active, scorching case of herpes."
The madam is offended. "Look, Kid, all my girls are clean."
The boy reaches back into his wallet and pulls out another fifty
bucks. "I want a dirty lady."
"OK. Go upstairs, first door on your left. I'll send her in."
So about 45 minutes later, the kid comes out, more...

BURNOUT PREVENTION AND RECOVERY
1. STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit
the stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or
emotionally.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into
unconsciousness.
2. AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies
with friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but
also is anathema to agitation and depression.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside
so no-one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your
productivity.
3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationships, a situation,
or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your circumstances, or if
necessary, leave.
MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, supress
these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee. ( It's free.)
4. DIMINISH more...

Having shot a moose two Antartians began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.
On the way they were stopped by a game warden. "Let me see your hunting licenses boys," he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice.
"Sure!" the hunters agreed.
"Well boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail."
"Aye, O.K. and thanks," said the lads.
After about five minutes one said to the other, "Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?"
"Aye, you're right," said his friend, "but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."