Drinks Jokes / Recent Jokes
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo are having drinks in Paris.
The waiter asks " L'aperitif?"
All of them answer "Oui!"
The waiter looks at Zedillo "Le tequila?"
Zedillo: "Oui!"
The waiter looks at Yeltsin "Le vodka?"
Yeltsin: "Oui!"
Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton " Le whisky?"
Clinton: "DON'T YOU MENTION THAT BITCH!!!"
Bill Gates died and was greeted at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. "You have a choice. Take a look around here, then pop down to hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check both places out and then let me know your decision," said St. Peter.
Bill took a look around heaven and saw lots of somber people singing hymns and praising the Lord. He then took a look around hell and saw beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, cool drinks and gorgeous women.
He went back to give St. Peter his decision. "I realize you're doing some wonderful things here," he said, "but hell seems much more with it, more my kind of scene. No hard feelings, but I pick hell."
"No problem," said St. Peter, "you've got it."
Bill then found himself back in hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. Not being able to figure it out, he yelled up to St. Peter, "Hey, St. Peter, what happened to all the beautiful beaches, cool drinks more...
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57. 00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67. 00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the more...
A head rolls into a bar.
It says to the guy sitting at the bar, "Hey bud, can you put me up on the bar?"
So the guy picks the head up and puts it on the bar. The head says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer with a straw in it!"
So the bartender gives the head the drink and the head drinks it down. Suddenly he grows two arms.
The head says, "Wow! This beer works magic, gimme another!"
So the bartender gives him another drink, he drinks it down and grows two legs, and he says "Holy cow! now I have a full body!! Gimme another!"
The bartender complies, he drinks it, and explodes!
The moral of the story: Quit while your ahead.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
One of our favorite drinks is a French eggnog-two egg yolks, two teaspoons of sugar and four jiggers of cognac in a tall, warm lass.
One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk." The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it. After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay." The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye. The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar." The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay. The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why. The man replied, "That drunk fool bet more...