Drinks Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

3 men sell their bodies to science, for an exsperiment on a new military weapon to scare enemy soldiers by turning them into the enemies idea of the most scary, repulsive idea possible temporarily. The first man has his wife looking at him, drinks the chemical, and turns into a half-fish half-octopus with fur. The second guy has his therapist looking at him, and turns into a giant bald hamster with a snake head. The third guy has his girlfriend looking at him, he drinks the chemical. Nothing happens.

A very British one:
0. Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
1. Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well being.
2. Beer warming up head. Chips are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3. Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while the blanks are filled with random letters and numbers.
4. Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bra. Order half a dozen packets of crisps one by one.
5. Have brilliant discussion with a guy at the bar. Devise a foolproof scheme for winning the lottery. Sort out cricket/tennis/football problems. Agree people are same the world over - except for the bloody French.
6. Feel like a demi-god. Map out rest of life on beer mat. Realize that everybody loves you. Ring up parents and tell them you love them. Ring girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing arse.
7. Send more...

This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, “A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you’re at it, have one yourself. ”
“Well thank you sir, ” says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.
Moments later the guy shouts, “Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else. ”
The bartender looks a little worried now and says, “Excuse me sir, but don’t you think you should pay me for that last round first? ”
The guy slurs, “I can’t. I don’t have any money. ” With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar.
About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, “A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends. ”
“I suppose you’ll be offering me a drink too? ” the barman asks, marvelling at the guy’s nerve.
“Not likely, ” slurs the guy, “you get nasty when you’ve had a drink! ”

There is a American guy, a German guy, and Santa Claus. The american guy walks int he bar and says what is the bar drinkin record. The bartender says 0. The american guy says give me 50. He drinks them all and goes to the bathroom. A gohst pops out and says im the gohst of bennie bennie eats your balls eat your wennie.
The German guy walks in the bar and says whats the bar drinkin record. The bartender says 50. The German guy says give me 100. He drinks them all and goes to the bathroom. A gohst pops out and says im the gohst of bennie bennie eat your balls eat your wennie.
Then Santa Claus walks in and says whats the bar drinkin record. Thae bartender says 100. Santa says give me 200. He drinks the all and goes to the bathroom. Again the gohst pops out and says im the gohst of bennie bennie eat your balls eat your wennie. Santa says well im the gohst of Christmas past touch me balls i kick your ass!

A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more...

A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye! He downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go...Two bulls eyes!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go of the last dart.
Three bulls eyes!!!
All are astounded. No one has ever won before. The bartender searches for a prize... grabs a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks pass... The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn't know what to give, so he asks the drunk, more...