Driveway Jokes / Recent Jokes
Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. Thehills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow coveringthem. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turnedall the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through thebeautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly theyare the most wonderful animal on Earth. This must be paradise. I love ithere. NOV. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting tokill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon, I love it here. DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed inwhite. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow offthe steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), andwhen the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What abeautiful place. I love Ohio. DEC. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trickagain to more...
A fathers rules to dating;
Rule One - If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two - You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three - I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and more...
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over,
she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman hears
a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man
replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist
continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the
position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to
protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she
hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet
with her little boy. "It's dark more...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
A golfer was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him; "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bill's friend Harry was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".
The next morning his wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Not sure when Harry gets out of the Hospital.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you"d better be delivering a package, because you"re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter"s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don"t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers more...