Driveway Jokes / Recent Jokes

Any part of your driveway has ever been unusable due to nesting fowl.One or more doors to your house or trailer are periodically unusable due to nesting fowl.The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than more...

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late."
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a little?' and she pretends that she's asleep!"

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, I take myshoesoff before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late."
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, How about a little?" and she pretends that she's asleep.

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?'... and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is." the man replies." You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks." No thanks." the man replies." I think you do want to buy a baseball" the little extortionist continues." Okay. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars." the little boy replies." Twenty-five dollars!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again, when she hears a car in the driveway and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy." It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off." Yes it more...

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?'... and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"