Driveway Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men are at work talking about how they deal with their wives when they go for a late night on the town with 'the guys'.
The first one says, "It doesn't matter what I try, my wife always 'busts me' and gives me hell. Sometimes, I'lll turn off the engine to the car a half block away, coast into the driveway so she doesn't hear the engine running, leave the car door slightly open so she doesn't hear the door being closed, tiptoe to the front door, spend a minute unlocking, opening and closing the front door as silently as possible, take off my shoes so she doesn't hear me walking in the house, tiptoe into the bedroom, remove my clothes as silently as possible, then spend a minute getting into bed so the bed doesn't move at all when I lie down next to her, and she always lets out a scream - 'WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN 'TIL TWO IN THE MORNING YOU LOUSY, CHEATING BASTARD?' and continues to nag me for about an hour."
The other guys says, "I use a little different more...

One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to visit their relatives. They were looking for the street they had to turn on to get to their relatives house. They accedently turned on the wrong street so they had to pull in a driveway and turn around. When they pulled into the driveway the girl asked her mother "Why dont these people have electricity?" Very confused the mother said, "Wut are u talking about?" The girl quickly replied, "Well, the sign back there said NO OUTLET!"

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to theother and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I gohome after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before Iget to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Itake my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, Iget undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakesup and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking thewrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my handson my wife's butt and say,' Hey honey, wanna fool around?'. ... and she'salways sound asleep."

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do.
Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom.
I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late! ”
His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach.
I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘How about a blowjob? ’ …. and she’s always sound asleep. ”

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say,' You as horny as I am?'. . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and the same again. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the darn
cat would always beat him home.At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there... Hours later, the man calls home to his wife."Jen, is the cat there?""Yes", the wife answers..."why do you ask?"Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a **** on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"