Duck Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was out duck hunting when a cop came drove by and asked him for his ID.
Okay said the hunter.
The cop then grabbed one of the ducks, stuck his finger up the ducks ass, and asked him if he had a liscence to own a California duck.
The man showed him the liscence.
The cop took another ducks ass and shoved his finger up it. He asked the hunter if he had a liscence to hunt Florida duck.
The man showed him his liscence.
The cop finally took the last duck, shoved his finger up the duck's butt and asked him if he had a liscence to hunt Louisiana duck.
The man showed him the liscence.
The cop calmed down and started to relax. "So, where u from?" the cop asked.
The man bent over. "You tell me," he said.

Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck? A: A duck filled fatty puss! Q: What kind of cat should you take into the desert? A: A first aid kitty! Q: Why do cats chase birds? A: For a lark! Q: What do cats read in the morning? A: Mewspapers! Q: What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws? A: An acrocat! Q: What do you call a cat wearing shoes? A: Puss in boots! Q: Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house? A: Because she heard fowl language! Q: There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left? A: None. They were all copy cats!

A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30, 000+, and has $400. 00+ in monthly payments. He`s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle.

They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on.

Remember it`s all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill...

Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from more...

One day a teacher told her students to make a sentence out of these three words:
1.deduct
2.defense
3.defeat
None of the students could give her an answer. But then the only Mexican student said "Oh, no problem, teacher. I can do it!"
He stood up and said, "Dee duck jumped over dee fence and hurt dee feet."

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed
that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on
the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink.
After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom.
The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.
He asks the first duck, “What’s your name? ”
“Huey, ” replies the duck.
“So, how’s your day been? ”
“Oh, I’ve had a great day, ” replies Huey. “I’ve been in and out of puddles all day. ”
The bartender asks the second duck, “What’s your name? ”
“Duey, ” replies the duck.
“So, how’s your day been? ”
“Oh, I’ve had a great day, ” replies Duey. “I’ve been in and out of puddles all day. ”
The witty bartender says to the third duck, “So I guess your name is Louie? ”
The duck replies, “No, I’m Puddles. ”