Earned Jokes

The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, who's president earned his MBA from UCLA, " How much will your company charge for this project?" "2 million," said Bruin. "1 million for materials and 1 million for labor." Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, "3 million, 1. 5 million for materials, 1. 3 million for labor, and 0. 2 million for licenses and permits." Finally, the president asks the last company, Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, " 4 million." "FOUR MILLION," yelled the president of ABC. "How do you breakdown more...

A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.
The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little
stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.
The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year. ”
The angel says, “Okay, you may enter. ”
He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.
She states, “I earned $150, 000 as an attorney. ” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.
He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life? ”
The man replies, “I earned $8, 000 last year. . . ”
“Oh, ” the angel interrupts. more...

A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little
stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.” He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year. . . ”“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”

A guy went to Vegas for the first time in his life. He was very curious about the sex services offered there. Thru a bell boy, he found the best in town. When the lady came, he asked: How much is your service? The lady said: $100 for a hand job. What? Why so expensive? the guy asked in amazement. The lady pulled the guy to the window and asked him: Do you see that shiny red Porsche down there? That's what I earned by my hand! The guy was convinced and decided to try her service. It was great! So he asked, what else can you do? The lady said: For $200 I'll give you a blowjob.
What? That's way too expensive for a blow job! he replied. The lady brought him to the window again, and said: Do you see the restaurant down there? That's what I've earned with my mouth! So the guy decided to go for it and gave her $200. It was unbelievable! So he decided he wanted to try the real thing. So he asked: How much for real intercourse? The lady pulled him over to the window again, and said: Do more...

A young man died and went to Heaven, where he was the third person in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Pete was taking a break, so an angel was admitting the newly arrived into Heaven. Trying to get a little more strict with the admission policies, the angel said they each had to state their former occupations and yearly salaries.The first man in line said, "I was an actor and I earned $1 million last year." The angel ushered him in.The woman behind him said, "I earned $150,000 last year as an attorney." The angel thought about it for a moment, then ushered her in as well.The young man moved up to the gates. "I only earned $8,000 last year..." he began."Oh," the angel interrupted, "and what subject did you teach?"