Education Jokes / Recent Jokes

A college student wrote a letter home to his parents which read:
"Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel so miserable because I have to keep writing home to ask you for money. It makes me feel so ashamed and unhappy, but I must ask for another hundred dollars. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Rick
P.S. I felt so awful that I ran after the mailman who picked this letter up in the box at the corner. I really wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back, but it was too late."
A few days later, the student received a letter from his father which read:
"Dear Son,
Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!
Dad"

A guy goes to his high school class reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty-five years he's very curious as to who might show up.
When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down and talk about the past.
"How have you been?" he asks.
"I've been fine, just fine," she replies, "Although I do have some good news and a little bad news, though."
"Bad news first, please."
"Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy."
"Oh my, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that."
"But the good news is the doctor found your old high school class ring you thought you lost!"

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his
future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a
beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great!
"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

There was a professor who started all of his classes with a dirty joke. Finally, the women in the class decided that the next time he started, they would walk out. They didn't know it, but the professor had caught wind of their plan.
At the beginning of class the next morning the professor said, "Good morning class. Have you heard about the shortage of whores in China?" At that point, the women all stood up and were heading for the door.
"Wait ladies," the professor bellowed. "The boat isn't leaving until tomorrow."

After Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay about how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:
We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags, because they don't know who they are.
They go to a big building called a wrecked hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is alright now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak more...

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom, they would press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered together all the girls who wore lipstick and told them to meet him at the ladies room at 3:00 PM.
They gathered that afternoon at the appointed time and found the principal and school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness how hard it was to clean it.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long-handled brush out of a box, dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, walked over to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick. It was the last time he had to do so!

How to Argue and Win Every Time
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
*Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
*Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to more...