Elderly Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear perfectly again.
The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor's in a month for a final check on the new equipment. After some tests, the doctor proclaimed, "Your hearing is perfect!"
"Thank you for helping me," replied the elderly man.
"You're welcome," said the doctor. "Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
"Oh, I haven't told them yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations I used to miss," replied the elderly gentleman.
"Really?" questioned the doctor. "You must still be marveling at being able to hear again and just not ready to believe it yourself. That must be why you haven't told them."
"Well, no that's not it exactly, but I have changed my will more...

An elderly couple has dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives leave the table and go into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen are talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I recommend it very highly."
The other man asks, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his friend, "Ah, what's the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies, "A carnation?"
"No, no. The other one," the man says.
His friend offers another suggestion, "The poppy?"
"Nah," growls the man. "You know, the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend asks, "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.
He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that more...

I got this joke from a roommate of mine, Keith Brown.
He acquired it when he went back to his hometown to
substitute teach at his high school. Sitting in the
teacher's lounge, they were telling jokes and the
principal told this one...
One day, an elderly woman went in to the main Citibank office
in downtown New York City and asked the window teller if she
could speak to the president of the bank. Upon being questioned
as to why she needed to see him, the elderly woman said that
she wished to deposit seven million dollars.
The teller then rushed back to the president and said that
there was a woman who wished to deposit seven million dollars
and that she wished to see the president. Naturally, the
president excitedly said, "Well, send her right in!"
After the elderly woman and the president had talked for some
time about security and insurance and whatnot, she started to
fill out some papers. By this time the more...

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment' I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget."The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?" The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."