Elm Jokes

The suburban couple, middle-aged and married for very nearly twenty-two years, were out for the Saturday-afternoon ritual with the grass, the bushes and flowers. He was putting Vigoro on the crab grass and she was pruning the rose bushes, but somehow their minds didn't seem to be on their work. The wife seemed especially discontent and was mumbling under her breath about something; then, quite unexpectedly, she stalked over to where the husband was standing, examining at close range a tree fungus on his favorite elm, and gave him a short kick to the ankle.
"Ow-ouch!" exclaimed the husband, seizing the bruised appendage. "What the hell did you do that for?!"
"That," she said, stalking back to her rose bushes, "is for being such a lousy lover!"
The husband thought about this unexpected attack for a minute or two, then he turned and--just as resolutely as she had a few moments before-stalked over and gave his wife a swift and more...