Elvis Jokes / Recent Jokes

Redneck Driver's License Application... Plez compleet this paper, best ya can. Last name: ________________First name: [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann SueAge: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty PoliticianSpouse's Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________ Lover's Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] PetNumber of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's more...

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blonds?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A Labrador retriever.
Q: What do UFOs and smart blonds have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

You might be a redneck if...
Your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

Well it seems that there was some mixup in one of the local papers, and it said that Elvis would be ariving in Denver.
When the Pope landed, and got off the plane, threre was a large group of people chanting: "Elvis... Elvis... Elvis."
"No, no. I'm not Elvis", stated the Pope, "I am the Pope." When he gave a short speech, thre was still a large group of people chanting: "Elvis... Elvis... Elvis."
"No," he told the crowd, "I'm not Elvis."
The Pope was tired so he went back to his hotel room. When he got to his room, there were a bunch of scantly clad women. They started screaming "Oh, look it's Elvis!"
To which the Pope replied "Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you very much."

Anna Nicole Smith, in attempting to find out more about her son's death, has hired the same pathologist who consulted in the death investigations of Jonbenet Ramsey and Elvis Presley.
It turns out her son was killed by Jonbenet's parents on Elvis Presley's toilet. (With the candlestick. Am I right?)


PS How about a new "Clue" for modern times? Forget Miss Scarlet and Professor Plum. OJ and Robert Blake. Celebrity Clue is on! They just need to start killing people with some new household items. Blender anyone?

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

To mark the 30th anniversary of Elvis Presley's death, Hershey's is introducing a limited edition peanut butter and banana Reece's Cup.
Only seven will be produced, but they're expected to reappear at gas stations and restaurants throughout the Midwest.