Emergency Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Hurry!" the doctor commanded his teenage daughter, "Put my stethoscope and medicine box in my car. That was an emergency call from someone who says he will die if I do not turn up immediately."
"Papa, that call was not for you but for me," replied the girl saucily.

During emergency landing training, I asked my flight instructor how to handle a night emergency.He said, "Same way. Set up for maximum glide as you look for a place to set it down. Just before you land, turn on your landing light. If you like what you see, go ahead and land.If you don't like what you see, turn off the landing light."

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, OK." Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, OK." Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn`t get the rest of the instructions. He says to more...

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball… stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. “That’s when I made my mistake. ”
“What did you do? ” asks the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours! ”

While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers.

Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device (P. E. N. C. I. L.).

This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the (P. E. N. C. I. L.) will require preparation and testing. Tools and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device; and a supply of computer paper (with or without more...

A 13-year-old Georgia student riding a school bus received a wedgie so painful that his mother took him to the emergency room.

Doctors found no damage from the wedgie but did discover a case of advanced-stage dorkiness.

In a military training camp some recruits get educated in parachuting. After
some weeks of training on the ground they have to do their first jump.
Before the jump the instructor recalls, "You leave the air plane, count till
three and pull the cord. The parachute should open then. If it does not, pull
the emergency cord. Then the emergency parachute will open. On the ground there
is a lorry waiting. We will meet on the lorry again. Good luck!"
The first recruit jumps, counts till three and pulls the cord. Nothing happens.
He pulls the emergency cord. Nothing happens. The recruit is not surprised and
says, "As far as I know the army, I bet the lorry will not be there, either."