End Jokes / Recent Jokes

A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses. ”
“We don’t have any. ” replied the first blonde.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses. ” said the Game Warden.
“But officer, ” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river. ”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it, ” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want. ” And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop, ” the second blonde said to the other two, more...

A farmer is sitting on the front porch of his house one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. “Hey kid! ” the farmer says, “where ya goin’ with that wire? ” “Well, ” the kid drawls, “this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s chicken wire. I’m fixin’ to catch me some chickens! ”“You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire! ” says the farmer. “Sure I can! ” the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he’s got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer’s sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. “Hey kid! ” the farmer yells, “where ya goin’ with that tape? ” “Well, this here ain’t just any ol’ tape, ” says the kid, “this here’s duck tape. I’m fixin’ to catch me some ducks! ” “You can’t catch ducks with duck tape! ” more...

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses. ”
“We don’t have any. ” replied the first blonde. “Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses. ” “But officer, ” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river. ” The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
“Well, I know of no law against it, ” said the warden, “take all the debris you want. ” And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
“What a dumb cop, ” the second blonde said to the other two, “doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?! ”

Here`s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
When they`re not looking, pour most of someone`s fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
Ignore the first five people who say `good morning` to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can`t talk right now. Bye."
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don`t want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.
Kneel in more...

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. "Do youknow what time we quit around here? " he asked."Sure! " the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody knocks on the door."