Ended Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. "Well..." said the Engineer, "I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ended up back in her room having wild gorilla sex all night.""OK," replied the boss, "that may explain your fatigue, but why are your eyes so red ?""Well..." said the Engineer, "turns out she was married and had a baby at home. She started crying, and I started thinking about my own wife and kids, so I cried too.""I see." chided the boss, "but that seminar ended Friday. How come you still appear so ragged ?""Well..." said the Engineer, "you can't sit there and cry 4-5 times a day for four days and not look like this."

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question,' Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?' His Father wrote back,' Of course it is. Why do you ask?' Martin answered,' Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'

A man's wife asked him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walked down to the store only to find it closed. With that option out, he ventured into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. But, at the bar he saw a beautiful woman and started talking to her. They had a couple of beers and one thing led to another and they ended up in her apartment.

After they had their fun, he realized it was 3 a.m. and said, "Oh no, it's so late, my wife's going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?" The woman found him some, which he proceeded to rub on his hands. Then he went home.

His wife was waiting for him in the doorway, and she was quite upset. "Where the hell have you been?"

The man took a deep breath. "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to more...

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, Is Washingtons picture still on the dollar bill? His Father wrote back, Of course it is. Why do you ask? Martin answered, Because its been so long since Ive seen one!

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Jake the Wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So,  since I'm retired with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I told her that I probably shouldn't have because,  although I'd lost 50 pounds,  I ended up in the hospital and I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food was nutritionally complete.
I then told her that I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in more...

An inebriated crook had a little problem and ended up at the police station.
"Couldn`t you get that crook to confess to the crime?" asked the police chief.
"We tried everything, Sir. We browbeat and badgered him wit every question we could think of."
"How did he respond?
He just dozed off and said now and then: "Yes, Dear. You are perfectly right."

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.

Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could.

She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When the song ended, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside." So the two costumed characters snuck off and occupied themselves in one of the parked cars.

Midnight was to be the unveiling of the party-goers, so she slipped out and went home before the clock struck twelve.

When he got home she asked, "How was the party? Did you meet any interesting people?"

He replied,' 'You know me, dear. I more...