Escorts Jokes

While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing more...

Police in southern Oregon are searching for an arsonist accused of setting fire to early 1990s Ford Escorts.
He reportedly set the cars on fire by driving them.

On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks: Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee? Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date. The guy thinks for a minute and says: Well, what about the last date?

On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks:Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee? Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date.The guy thinks for a minute and says:Well, what about the last date?

It was a fact that LBJ would, on occasion, personally call military offices and demand special favors. At one such time, he is said to have called TBS (The Basic School) at Marine Corps Base, Quantico, VA and the conversation went like this (jsut remember, you're reading this on the Internet...):

TBS: Good afternoon, this is The Basic School. How can I help you?

LBJ: This is President Johnson. We're having a state dinner here at the White House next Saturday. I want you to send out two lieutenants to be escorts for my daughters.

TBS: Yes sir, Mr. President. Is that all?

LBJ: I want them in their dress uniforms, tall and good looking.

TBS: Yes sir, Mr. President. Two tall, good looking lieutenants, dress uniforms, next Saturday evening. Is there anything else?

LBJ: (Remember, LBJ was an old time democrat and Texan). Yeah, don't send any damn' Mexicans!

TBS: No sir, Mr.President, no damn Mexicans. Will there be more...