Etc Jokes / Recent Jokes

This was posted last year and I haven't seen it yet, so I thought I would send it out for those of you who missed it. Sorry, I forgot to save the author's name, etc. (apologies to the author). As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the country.
It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert dragged his mother to the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby horse.
As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Wilbert vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes, then told him it was time more...

Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people -- many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women -- ooops, "women and men" -- we present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."
Following are their accounts. .
Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, more...

Herewith is a compendium of movie clichés, stereotypes, obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, shopworn conventions and outdated archetypes. The author says that as you go to enough different movies, you start to notice things. Like how every time there's a chase scene in an exotic locale, a fruit cart gets overturned. Or how whenever the hero knocks out a Nazi sentry and puts on his uniform, the uniform is a perfect fit. Or how there are plots that would be over in five minutes, if all characters weren't idiots. Actress Inferior Position - In movie sex scenes, which are usually directed by men, the POV (Point of View) at the moment of climax is almost always the man's, so that we see the actress, not the actor, losing control. AC-WAT-NOBI Movie - A Cop With A Theory No One Believes In. Against All Odds Rule - In an apparently fatal situation from which there is no possible hope of survival, it is certain the characters will survive. In a situation where there is any apparent chance more...

There were these two women who were friends and neighbours. One noticed that the other always seemed to have lots of new goodies; jewelry, furs, latest fashions, frequent hair salon trips & manicures, etc. She asked:" how do you get all that great stuff?" " I do it by charging my husband five dollars every time we have sex", she said; "and you can do the same, it really adds up. But you must remain firm. Don't let him talk you into accepting less, don't let him coax you into doing it for no charge". " Great", she said, "that sounds easy, I'll do it". So, the next time her hubby wanted to have sex, she said: "from now on, you have to give me five dollars each time we have sex" She also told him why. "Oh, I see", he said; "okay". He then went to get the money, but realized that he had only $4. 50 She refused to accept it: "If we have sex you must give me the full amount, five bucks". He said: more...

After the shameful defeat of Indian cricket team in
final of PEPSI CUP 99 in Bangalore, the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.
Dravid could not resist for too long to be in hometown and still not be able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!"
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and
makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same again - the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!". Bewildered by now, he could not help asking,
"How did you recongise me?"
The lady replied - "I am Javagal more...

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going coochy cooh...?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you know... the frozen glass..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

The more...

Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry its only a joke.

Q: What does wife stand for?
A: Washing, ironing, fucking, etc.

What's the definition of blue tack? Smurf shit!
There's a new range of Barbie that just arrived in South Africa. It's going to be called Divorce Barbie. The only problem is it's going to be sold for R10, 000!! (it's expensive if you don't know Barbie). Apparently it's coming with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's Helicopter, etc...