Executive Jokes / Recent Jokes
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research,
phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN
DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, ''Welcome to heaven, my son.'' God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says. God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in two days.''
An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"
She quickly responded, "The living one."
A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.""I don't know!" she flounders."Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity.""Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her more...
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand."Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?""Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button."Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."