Experiment Jokes / Recent Jokes

Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT

The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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INTRODUCTION

The more...

A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command (”Jump! ”).
In a first stage of experiment he removed flea’s leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: “Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly. ”
So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly. ”
Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly. ”
Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: “Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing”

No experiment is ever a complete failure; it can always be used as a bad example.

A young intern is making his rounds late one night at the hospital. He enters into the room of an invalid woman who has been in a coma for over two years. No one comes to visit this poor woman anymore, but the intern is not as concerned with this as he is with finishing his rounds, the most mundane of his duties.
As the young doctor is straightening up the bed his hand accidentally rubs against the old woman's breast. Just then an extra "blip" comes from the monitors attached to the woman. The doctor's curiosity is peaked and he makes sure this is not a coincidence by touching the woman's breast again and sure enough there is another "blip". He decides to experiment further and places his hand in a more private place.
"Blip! blip, blip blip, blip blip" comes the sound from the monitor. The doctor is astounded. He calls the woman's husband who hasn't been in to see the woman in months. He very carefully explains to the man how he accidentally more...

I saw a want ad. Light housekeeping. They said, "Here, change this bulb". I said, "I'll need some friends".

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."



You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.

I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."

There aren't enough days in the weekend.

My friend more...

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go.
A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried: they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. When the big day arrived they set up all the monitoring equipment and moved out to a safe distance.
The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer. BBBAAANNNGGG!!!
The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 more...

There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!". The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 4 legs - jumps 2 feet'.
Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment. "Jump frog jump!" he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet. So he writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 3 legs - jumps 1.5 feet'.
He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes in his book: 'Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot'.
He continues and removes yet another leg. " Jump frog jump!" and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. So he writes in his lab book again: 'Frog with one leg - jumps 0.5 feet'.
Finally he chops off the last leg. He puts the frog on the line and tells it to jump. "Jump frog, jump!". The frog doesn't move. "Jump frog, jump!!!". Again the frog stays on the line. "Come more...