Fact Jokes / Recent Jokes

' There is an upgrade path from the Old to the New Testament, but it's difficult and unsupported.'

'We were only able to get the first seven Commandments on the stone tablets. The last three will be in Commandments' 98.'

'You can't get your bush to burn? Have you tried sacrifice?'

'The' virgin birth' is not a bug, it's a documented feature.'

'You'll need more RAM to run all four horseman concurrently.'

'The first semaphore is being dropped, the second is returning an olive branch.'

'I.S. says it will rain for exactly 20 days.'

'Kai's Revelations Tools produce some really cool effects but they're difficult to understand and use.'

'We killed the process, but three days later it came back.'

'The walls of Jericho won't fall without a 100% fully compatible Soundblaster Card.'

'The voice of God is a standardized protocol, but each prophet implements it differently.'

'My more...

There is a very ancient Chinese saying, "If the weight of the outside world is pressing in, solstice can always be found in happy golden morsels of light entertainment." No. Just kidding. I made that up. But wait, this is real: Jackie Chan's film FIRST STRIKE (Bad Jin Long) is whooping (and I do mean whoop-whooping) good fun. This film's got high speed snowboard chases, chases on stilts, and synchronized swimming with man eating sharks. What more could you ask for? Actually I could ask for subtitles. It would be very convenient, but on second thought, they'd probably be in Chinese. My limited mental capacity (something about bungee jumping from my uncle's shoulders at an impressionable age, back in the old days before they added the cord) prevents me from comprehending Chinese characters flashing on a 10 foot screen at lightning speeds. This happens regardless of whether the characters on the screen are debating philosophical theory or making tea, so it would probably be more...

John invited his mother over for dinner one evening. During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was. She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious. She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye. Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly roommates." A few days later, Judy went to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?" "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John. John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter: "Dear Mom, While more...

John invited his mother over for dinner one evening. During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was. She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious.
She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye. Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly roommates."
A few days later, Judy went to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?"
"I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John.
John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter: more...

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: "We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing -- assume the brace position immediately!"
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face. Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: "What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to friggin' crash!"
Claudia responds: "I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces -- which is why I am putting on my make-up."
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to more...

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for more...

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact more...