Fact Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist." I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far." The woman below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, more...

Looking for some help
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, more...

Four guys were telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves to go to the restroom. Three guys are left...
The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was going to be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break, they made HIM a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just more...

They had been having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the same time, still deep in conversation. But Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Chas was very well endowed.

"I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy," Fred was prompted to remark.

"Wasn't always that way," replied Chas. "Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days," he said. "I got this done over in Harley St, England. Cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, well worth every cent."

Fred was envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and flew off to the Old Dart first thing.

It was a good six months later before he ran into his old friend once again and Fred could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result.

"But Chas, I will tell you something else," said Fred. "You more...

A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?" The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Vietnam." "Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?" The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled: during a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8:00 to 4:00. Come on in about 10:00 and we'll get you started."

The guy says, "If working hours are from 8:00 to 4:00, why do you want me to come at 10:00?" "Well, here at the post office we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"

Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake (24) and his friend, Ormond D. Young (27) at the Metallica concert last Friday.
Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20 ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground; adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.
According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the two of them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7 foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and more...

THE NEW 23 PSALM
In these days of increased jargonization, we feel sure that a new millennium version of the Bible is sure to be produced, incorporating much of this modern language. Perhaps it will be called the NMV-New Millennium Version. The 23rd Psalm would never be the same again. It may sound something like this:The Lord and I are in a shepherd/sheep situation, and I am in a position of negative need.He prostrates me in a green-belt grazing area, and conducts me
directionally parallel to a non-torrential aqueous liquid.He restores to original satisfaction levels my psychological make-up.Notwithstanding the fact that I make ambulatory progress through the non-illuminated inter-hill mortality slot..terror sensations shall not be observed within me due to the proximity of the omnipotence.Your pastoral walking aid and quadrupled pickup unit introduce me into a pleasurific mood state.You design and produce a nutrient-bearing furniture type structure in the context of more...